Nurturing Your Relationship: Expressing Admiration and Appreciation

Nurturing Your Relationship: Expressing Admiration and Appreciation

Adapted by Dr. Katie Godfrey, LMFT from And Baby Makes Three by John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

care for your relationship Through Gratitude

The transition from couple-hood to parent-hood can be exhilarating, exhausting, fascinating, enchanting, and overwhelming. Oftentimes parents are focused on their babies (rightly so!) and may feel unappreciated by their partners. It is so easy to focus on our complaints, especially in times of stress or transition, that we forget to verbalize what we love about them! In addition to thanking your partner when they do something you appreciate, it is also important to remember your partner’s personal qualities that you fell in love with in the beginning. You’ll be surprised at how much your relationship will change if you start verbalizing what you admire, appreciate, and respect about them!


Instructions: Read over this list of potential positive qualities your partner may possess. Choose three items from the list that you really appreciate. Then, for each item, think of a time when your partner demonstrated that particular quality. Write down a note/memory about it next to the item. Now share with your partner the items you chose, and your appreciation of them.


Positive Qualities List

  • Your partner's energy
  • Your partner's strength
  • Your partner's ability to take charge
  • Your partner's flexibility
  • Your partner's sensitivity
  • How well your partner listens to you
  • How well your partner supports you
  • How well your partner responds to your moods
  • Your partner's warmth
  • Your partner's enthusiasm
  • Your partner's ability to have fun
  • Your partner's ability as a lover
  • Your partner's sensuality
  • Your partner as a refuge for you
  • Your partner's dependability
  • Your partner's tenderness
  • Your partner's imagination
  • Your partner's creativity
  • Your partner's artistry
  • Your partner's eyes
  • Your partner's trustworthiness
  • Your partner's passion
  • Your partner's romantic nature
  • Your partner's gracefulness
  • Your partner's compassion
  • Your partner's amiability
  • The way your partner kisses you
  • Your partner's playfulness
  • Your partner’s ability to be a good friend to others
  • Your partner's competence
  • Your partner's parenting of your baby
  • Your partner's sense of humor
  • Your partner's looks in clothes
  • Your partner's look without clothes
  • Your partner's loyalty
  • Your partner's sense of style
  • Your partner's values
  • Your partner's sense of morality
  • Your partner's social activism
  • Your partner's spirituality
  • Other positive qualities: (Fill in the blank)

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